Been quite a week--we've had snow flurries and 80F temps within a few days of each other; and major revelations about the (euphemistically yclept) "enhanced interrogation" techniques employed by the CIA (and, BTW, refused by the FBI), inquired into by the Pentagon as early as 2002 (receiving the answer it was both torture and ineffective) and facilitated by the bass-ackwards backfill legal memos concocted by the Bush DOJ. We've had both the Bulls and the Blackhawks make the playoffs, and the Cubs and Sox off to a good (albeit chilly and sleety start). Poor B-Rod has been refused permission by a Federal judge to go to the Costa Rican Jungles to appear in NBC's "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here" (but still eligible to appear on MSNBC's "Lockup: Club Fed" a/k/a "I'm a Convicted Felon, Get Me Outta Here"); as a result, he has filmed a bunch of spots for the show dangling from a harness and being blown about by a wind machine in front of a green Chroma-Key screen. All this is making my head spin. So I am going to foment a different sort of debate here. I just got done reading Alton Brown's "Feasting on Asphalt: The River Run," which covered some of the same territory I did over the past few years, especially between Chicago and Memphis and missed a few spots for the piddling reason they were located along the Interstate. With that in mind (and because I now can't write "Highway 61 Regurgitated," at least not without violating some copyrights), I look back on my travels, around the Midwest and beyond (and in my own figurative backyard) to offer some of what I have found to be some of my favorite discoveries (mostly culinary but not always). Your mileage will invariably vary, so suggest away. BBQ: Well-known: Charlie Vergos' Rendezvous, Memphis, TN. Not much to say--it's not healthy to talk with your mouth full. No sauce, thanks---why sully that amazing dry rub? BBQ: (Hole-in-the-wall Division): BJ's Travel Center, just. n. of New Madrid, MO. Alton Brown missed this one, probably because of his vow to eschew the Interstates. That's fine--more for me to chew along the Interstate. A tiny BP gas station and mini-mart when viewed from outside; the first hint it's at all special is the sweet smoke-and-meat smell that hits you as soon as you get out of your car. On one side of the room is the usual truck stop mini-mart; on the other, a buffet--and if you hit them at the right time, the ribs, chicken, sausage and pulled pork should just be coming out of the homemade oil-drum smoker out back. All you can eat (there's pasta, corn on the cob, at least one other veggie, salad, mashed spuds, cornbread and fried chicken too) for, last time I checked back in Feb., eight bucks. Only bummer is that the no-smoking section is one or two tables along the windows, but the BBQ smoke kind of obscures that in a hurry. BBQ: (Intermediately well-known): 1. Dink's Pit, Bartlesville, OK. Intentionally ramshackle decor (might be a chain, I dunno) reminiscent of Famous Dave's but more authentically shopworn but good 'cue and nice crunchy fried okra--always jammed. Very reasonable. 2. Nick's BBQ and Catfish, Carlisle, AR. Cheerful swift service (no alcohol), very good BBQ, and the best.... Fried Green Tomatoes: See Nick's immediately above. Shatteringly crisp battered crust, not greasy, tender but still resilient tomatoes inside. Hang it up, Dixie Kitchen & Bait Shop! Insanely reasonable, and the best.... Fried Catfish: Nick's; you know the drill by now.... Best Pies: King's Coffee, Dearing, KS. Meringues of all kinds, quiches you'd never expect in an honest-to-goodness full-service (read: two-group non-automatic Cimbali) coffeehouse in the proverbial middle-of-nearly-nowhere (All of Dearing could seemingly be dropped into a few blocks in the center of Coffeyville). There is a stage with live entertainment: mostly Christian music but occasionally also secular folk from moonlighting visiting performers doing the nearby Coffeyville Humanities Project (we would have done the same but our fingers were nearly bleeding from all the playing we were officially doing). The only real espresso in those parts north of the KS-OK state line. Best "what's-a-joint-like-you-doing-in-a-place-like-this:" Uncle Jack's. Independence, KS. Discovered by accident, when our GPS misunderstood our desire to visit Jack's Place in Liberty, KS. Microbrews. Wine-by-the-glass program (including food-and-wine pairings), bistro menu. Yes, you can get a dry Aussie Riesling or California Viognier and fresh-tasting crab cakes in rural Kansas. Pricey for the economically depressed area but cheap by city standards. Knowledgeable servers, too. Who knew? Best (very) small-town diner food: Depot Restaurant (Hwy 412 bet. Bellefonte and Harrison, AR). We were hungry. We were lost (sorta). It was open. I can still taste the Hawaiian Creme Pie (pineapple, coconut, cherries, macadamias) nearly two years later. And it was the only time I ever insisted on packing my leftover fried okra as a road snack. Donuts (I'm gonna get flamed for this for sure): Tie between Spudnuts (Univ. Way, aka "the Ave") and Green Lake Donuts, both in Seattle, WA. Haven't been back since 1978, so I don't even know if they're still around. But Spudnuts had the best yeast-raised (hadda be the potato flour) and Green Lake the best straight-from-the-fryer plain cake donuts I've ever, ever eaten--retreat to your respective corners, Krispy Kreme and Dunkin' Donuts. Spudnuts also had the best donut shop coffee I ever drank. Asked the owner his secret--he pulled out a battered, dented aluminum measuring cup. He explained that he kept whaling away at the bottom of it with a ball-peen hammer till it held just the right amount of preground but very fresh coffee for a drip-urn full of joe (don't remember the brand--Stewart Bros. or MJB, I think). Cheesecake (turn up the flame-thrower): Ben's Deli, Montreal, QUE. Oh, I hear the gasps from my fellow Chicagoans who swear by Eli's, as well as from those accusing me of denying my Brooklyn heritage by ignoring Junior's. Mind you, I'm not dissing either iconic U.S. cheesecake.....but tasting Ben's (thank you Kathy!) was an epiphany. Heck, the minute I even laid eyes on it I knew the cheesecake trophy would stay north of the border. Mile-high, nearly as light as an Italian ricotta cheesecake but as firm a crumb as the best NYC examples. OTOH: Aphids on roses and ear mites on kittens, Leaky teakettles and wet woolen mittens, Puncturing fingertips changing my strings: These are a few of my least fav'rite things... End of Part One. Gonna get a bit more local in the next installment.